Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You are a fickle bitch, insomnia

Today was a whirlwind. Well, more like some shit storm of uncertainty. I mean that in a good way though. A few options for my future were presented at realistic possibilities today. I was really hoping for one at a time rather than two being thrown in my face in the matter of minutes. But that is what happens and I will deal with it. Hopefully none of it blows up on me like a backpack of 160 year old dynamite.

Those of you I give a crap about know what I am talking about or will know sometime tomorrow. I would explain myself, but this really was just one of those moments where I wanted to free my mind by typing away. As much of a snarky smartass as I can be, I have to be honest and vulnerable here for a moment. I am a little scared and confused at the moment. Nothing bad is on the horizon, but I am plagued with uncertainty. This can only lead to a little insomnia. That’s nothing new though. I’ve been waking up randomly for the past week or so.

Insomnia is the most contradictory thing the human body does to a person. It is usually caused by stress and anxiety and is a reaction by body to those stimuli. It is a crock of shit, really. How dumb is the human body that it decides that keeping you awake is the best way to deal with psychological turmoil? Logically sleep would be a great way of creating calm. Nope. The human body has different plans. It would rather you not sleep for days until you eventually hallucinate and hold up a bus full of Mexican immigrants because you think one of them is the secret leader of an alien race sent to Earth to stop Hollywood from making any more Twilight movies. Honestly, insomnia is the human body’s equivalent of giving a box of pixi stix to a kid with ADD. It won’t be pretty.

My peace and serenity this week is that tomorrow (Wednesday) is my last day of work for the week. On Thursday afternoon I am heading to our glorious state capital (that’s Madison for you out of state people) to see the Wisconsin Film Festival with some of my best of friends. It will be good to get away from this dreary little box of an apartment. I look forward to the opportunity to be a film snob and review a bunch of movies none of you will ever see. I may even use big words and pop culture references only creepers and nerds will understand. Then I will use an arbitrary rating system that is not consistent with any other rating system I have used in the past several years. You’ll be confused as hell, but will continue to read because you know somewhere in my critical narrative will be an inappropriate or polictically incorrect comment. Some of you will be looking for a laugh while others will be looking for another reason to despise me. Either way, I come out the winner because I am getting some form of attention, one way or another. It is a fantastic phenomena and can only lift my spirits.

Holy shit, that triple shot of espresso has me shaking and sweating like Tiger Woods reading a tabloid. That probably wasn’t the best idea for me earlier tonight, but I didn’t want to fall asleep on the couch again. It is a sad existence when you waste half your night drooling on the couch until your cell phone vibrates which causes you to mumble incoherently while you pat your hand around to find it. There is that moment of confusion where you aren’t sure what time it is and you believe you just may be late for work until you look outside and see it is still dark out. Yeah, it is a sad existence indeed.

But hey, at least my backpack wasn’t full of dynamite.

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