Saturday, March 27, 2010

Change will do you good....

Near the end of this work week I overheard one of my co-workers transferring a call to our enrollment team. This was nothing out of the ordinary. We get hundreds of call every day that need to be routed to that department. Normally this is because the average customer has the attention span of a baked potato. They get a prompt telling them to hit number three if they would like to check their billing statement or make a payment. Option six gets them to an enrollment representative. However, they immediately hit number one because they think that will speed things up. Then they grumble that they never got an option for the billing and enrollment department. Of course they didn’t get such an option when they went all button happy because of their need for instant gratification. These are the same people who fast forward through porn to get straight to the penetration. What is wrong with enjoying the cheesy dialogue and loose plot points?

On that particular day, the person asking for our enrollment team wanted to cancel their policy. This again was nothing out of the ordinary. It was actually expected since most of our members are paying for a product they don’t understand. The man in question had a specific reason for canceling. One we hadn’t heard all week, but it was inevitable yet confusing at the same time. This gentleman had called in to cancel his policy because the Health Care Reform Bill had passed. Apparently this man didn’t bother to read up on the reform. He wasn’t about to be handed a government issued insurance plan. His cancelation defied logic, especially seeing as not having insurance would eventually incur tax penalties. Needless to say, the man would eventually be very disappointed. I would like to know how this man came upon this idea that he would immediately be taken care of. This is the same type of guy that is probably bringing down Obama’s approval rating because the change he offered didn’t come immediately.

This particular folly was not the first time such a hasty decision was made. Another guy had called in earlier this year to get his policy reinstated. Apparently he had canceled back in November of 2008. His reason for the cancelation was the election of Obama. The man was under the assumption that it meant he’d be getting free health care. That clearly didn’t shake out how his feeble little mind had anticipated. It amazes me how quickly people expect change to happen.

Minutes after the reform bill was signed, we had people calling in expecting the change to be in place. Some wanted to know if their lifetime maximum had been lifted. Others wanted to know when their premiums would be lowered. This was laughable. In fact, I did laugh upon hearing about these calls. It was a hearty laugh, kind of like Santa’s laugh, but with much or hatred. I really wanted to know what these people were thinking. It was as if they thought we had literally just gotten off the phone with some of Obama’s staff members and had assured them that we were taking care of those reform points right away. Never mind the fact that there is a distinct timeline for all of the laws to be enacted. These people weren’t even figuratively fast forwarding to the penetration in the porno movie version of Health Care Reform. They went right into the scene selection screen and skipped all the way to the money shot. Sorry folks. The only swallowing being done right now is a little dose of reality.

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