I'd rather be creeped than scared.

It is my personal belief that there is a distinct difference between the terms “creepy” and “scary”.  In fact, you have to break the words down to their root to get what I am talking about.  To creep is for something to slowly move, often stealthy, and often building intensity.  To scare is to cause a sudden alarm or startled state.  In essence, a scare is a momentary feeling, whereas a creeping feeling builds and lurks for a while.  Many people interchange or use their words incorrectly when referring to the genre of horror in movies.  I hate that.  I really hate that.  Like with a passion.  People should think about what they are saying when they utter, “I’m going to see a scar movie’. 

In fact, I don’t even think that there is such a thing as a scary movie.  There are scary moments within the movie that may startle the shit out of someone, but the movie as a whole is not scary.  There are better adjectives to describe it.   So, to simplify my argument, I must say that there are two main types (amongst others) of horror movies.  There are movies that are a collection of scares or there are creepy movies.  I prefer the creepy movies over the other options.  They resonate more and have a lasting effect.  In fact, they are often the smarter of the movies in that genre.  Creepy movies often are slow burning and build upon the insecurities and fear of the viewer.  Some of the real good ones even manages to incorporate a few scare moment as well.  In essence, they are a complete movie experience.  Rather than momentary fright, you may have an actual emotional response invoked by the story being told.  That, to me, is really freaking awesome when it happens.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing movies that are a collection of scares.  They have entertainment value as well.   However, they aren’t the movies I tell everyone at the office about on a Monday morning.  The creepy ones will usually get a stamp of approval by me with a glowing review to go with it.  I talk about them because they got in my head and got me thinking.  Anyone who knows me knows that I like a good creepin’. 

I’ve seen a lot of horror movies in my time.  Many of them are outright horrible.  Others are decent movies, but very forgettable.  The best of the bunch end up leaving me creeped out by what I saw.   The best of the bunch leaves me with a handful of films that I consider the most fear inducing of all time.  Among them I include The Exorcist, Halloween, The Blair Witch Project, The Strangers, Paranormal Activity, Let The Right One In, and The Others.  Each of those movies left me feeling afraid of something for a while and a few of them even gave me some nightmares.  You totally know a movie is creepy when your subconscious is bringing shit up while you are sleeping.

This weekend I added another movie to that list when I saw The Last Exorcism.  To say that the movie was creepy would be one way of putting it.  To say that it rattled my skin and my mind would be a better way of putting it.  It works on several different levels.  On one level it gives you the scares that so many of you are looking for.   On another level it slow burns suspense and fear causing your heart rate to increase as the movie goes on.  It will also have your mind going in several different directions.  In a nutshell, your body will have a physiological and a psychological reaction to this movie.  Perhaps I am biased and have a thing for exorcism movies since I already admitted to liking one such movie and did also enjoy Dominion: Prequel to The Exorcist, and The Exorcism of Emily Rose.  Then again, that doesn’t make me so much biased, but more as vulnerable to a particular fear stimuli.  I apparently believe in demons.  Who would have guessed?

I am sure you have seen the commercial for The Last Exorcism.  You already know that it is about some girl who is possessed by a demon.  That really is all the previews tell you of the plot while showing you a few moments that intend to frighten you.  The previews do the movie a total disservice and don’t sell you on the rich character development and smart plot.  There is a lot more to it than some girl being possessed.  In fact, you are probably thinking “of course there is.  It is about some priest’s last day on the job”.   That is generally the idea, but a very vague and expedited plot description.  Let me enlighten you without spoiling what makes the movie better than the average horror flick.

First of all, the previews don’t give away that the movie is shot in the “found footage” format much like Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity.  The basis of this footage is a documentary made about Reverend Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), who is a fast talking preacher who does exorcisms on the side to make a little money for his congregation.  He is a man who gives the people what they want to hear and does so effectively because he has a keen ability to keep things interesting.   Cotton knows that he has people eating out of the palm of his hands and even demonstrates it by betting the film makers that he could somehow insert a recipe for banana bread into his sermon.  In so many words, Reverend Marcus is a show man.  In other words, he could be considered a fraud. 

You see, the exorcisms Cotton performs are not exactly what they seem.  He uses smoke and mirrors to give faithful followers the show they were looking for.   People pay him to rid them of demons.  He convinces them that they are gone and never hears from them again.  All people want is to see results.  They change their behavior based on what they see.  Are they possessed?  Reverend Marcus doesn’t know, doesn’t care, and doesn’t believe they are.   It doesn’t matter to him.  It just matters to the people he helps.  The whole idea of exorcisms is a farce in Cotton’s eyes and that is why he has decided he is going to do one more in order to show the world just that fact.

You are probably asking yourself why he would trick so many people and then just change his mind.  That is a good question.  Cotton explains himself when referring to the Vatican’s opening of an Exorcism school.  The idea of them is growing and that worries him because the process can be dangerous when involving children.   He even points to an article where a child had recently died during an exorcism.  If he can change the world’s views on the concept, then he could save some people from being hurt.  So, there you have an idea of the movie’s flawed protagonist.  Reverend Cotton Marcus is well intentioned, even if he does mislead many people in the process.

Cotton’s last job takes him to the Lousiana farm of Louis Sweetzer (Louis Herthum) who wrote the good reverend about his daughter, Nell (Ashley Bell), who he thinks is possessed to the point where she murders livestock during the night.   We follow Cotton has he does his fraudulent exorcism and promptly leaves like he always does.   The only problem is that this time is different for him.  The problems don’t stop and he ends up right back at the Sweetzer house performing a more thorough and seemingly real exorcism.

The Last Exorcism crafts the “possession” of Nell in an intelligent manner.  We witness a lot of strange behavior and even experience some scares with it.  However, as weird as things are, they could theoretically be explained psychologically.   As things go on, a mystery starts to develop as to why Nell is possessed or psychologically disturbed.  Regardless of which rationale you believe, you start to see it develop as pieces of the puzzle fall into place.  It is legitimately thrilling as the movie moves on and we get closer to a resolution.  There is a twist there the end that makes you think you have it all understood.  However, you don’t.  You’ll be fooled and you’ll love every moment of it.  The classic science versus faith idea is presented, but not in an obvious way.   As views we don’t know if Nell is really possessed and neither does Cotton.  He has a crisis of faith because he may be forced to believe in something he had been faking for many years. 

People who won’t see the movie will most likely assume that it is a rehash of every exorcism movie they have ever seen.  The beauty of The Last Exorcism is that it doesn’t borrow or mimic the obvious moments from movies like The Exorcist.  Sure there are similarities in how the “possessed” Nell behaves, but in general they are presented uniquely.   In other words, the possessed behaviors are presented in a realistic manner with minimal, if none at all, special effects.  The handheld shooting of the “found footage” enhances the creepy nature of these behaviors.  It feels like it could be real. 

The realistic feel of the movie helped me get more invested in the characters.  You want to see Nell rid herself of her demons, whether they be literal or metaphorical.  The interesting thing is that I started to root for Cotton Marcus, even though he is essentially a crooked con man.   Patrick Fabian’s performance and the writing of his character show that despite deceiving people, he does legitimately care about them.  He does want to help.  If he didn’t care the movie would have been a half hour long and he would have counted his money as he drive away.  Instead we are treated to a complex character that makes the movie work so much better than most horror films ever will. 

I also need to give credit to Ashley Bell for her performance as Nell.   She is absolutely polarizing as a innocent god loving teenager one moment and a messenger of Satan the next.  I could be convinced that she was actually possessed for a good portion of the movie.  Although she is convincing, it never strays into the realm of too obnoxious or absurd.  Bell keeps it in check and that sells the creepiness.

Yes, I do suggest this movie.  It has the scares for those of you who enjoy slasher films.  It is creepy for those of you who don’t mind some messed up dreams.  There is also a good psychological thriller mixed in as well.  The Last Exorcism may be the best horror movie of 2010.  I can’t think of anything else that will compete with it.  Hell, I will even go as far to say that it is one of the best character studies you will see this year as well.  Is it chopped full of scares?  No.  Is it a slow burning heart racer?  Yeah, that is more like it.  Is it a thinking man’s movie?  Only if you allow I to be such a movie.  I did and it reminded me why I love creepy movies.

Emmy Predictions

Here are the 2010 Emmy predictions I promised.  Who I think will win is in CAPS.   Who should with is in bold.  Possible upsets are in italics.  Commentary may also be included.

Outstanding Comedy Series

"Curb Your Enthusiasm"

"Glee"

“MODERN FAMILY”

"Nurse Jackie"

"The Office"

"30 Rock"

                Modern Family was bar none the funniest show on this list of shows.  I will argue that the funniest on television isn’t even on this list.  “Parks and Recreation”  was by far the best comedy on tv this season (DJ Roomba anyone?)  Glee is great and all, but it is just in this category because it doesn’t fit into drama.

Outstanding Drama Series

"Breaking Bad"

"Dexter"

"The Good Wife"

"Lost"

"MAD MEN"

"True Blood"

                The Emmys often give awards to shows making their final run, which is why Lost could pull off an upset here.  Otherwise, Mad Men has it all locked up.  Just a solid third season for the AMC show.  They balance history, drama, and humor like no other show on TV.   The only thing in its way is a very good Lost finale episode, which was the one submitted for the award.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

ALEC BALDWIN for "30 Rock"

Steve Carell for "The Office"

Larry David for "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

Matthew Morrison for "Glee"

Jim Parsons for "The Big Bang Theory"

Tony Shalhoub for "Monk"

                30 Rock isn’t going to take a shutout tonight.   Baldwin is going to walk away with another Emmy.  Does he deserve it?  Not necessarily, but his competition isn’t that stiff.   Jim Parsons is the one guy who even deserves the awards.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Kyle Chandler for "Friday Night Lights" (2006)

Bryan Cranston for "Breaking Bad" (2008)

Matthew Fox for "Lost" (2004)

Michael C. Hall for "Dexter" (2006)

JON HAMM for "Mad Men" (2007)

Hugh Laurie for "House M.D." (2004)

                Emmy is gonna be in love with Mad Men tonight.   The show is that fucking good.   Why is it that good?   Because Jon Hamm brings his best stuff week after week as Don Draper, a man whose life is slowly crumbling around him.  However, there is long overdue recognition that needs to go to Kyle Chandler for his work on FNL.   Every year I hear about how awesome he was, so I think he should get credit where credit it due.  Also, it took six seasons for Matthew Fox to even get nominated for an Emmy award.  He deserved one for the first season of LOST, but didn’t get it.   He submitted the finale episode to represent his work on season six and it was the type of work that brings up tears and gives goose bumps.   The final shot of the series alone could be enough to get him the surprise win.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Toni Collette for "United States of Tara" (2009)

Edie Falco for "Nurse Jackie" (2009)

Tina Fey for "30 Rock" (2006)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus for "The New Adventures of Old Christine" (2006)

Lea Michele for "Glee" (2009)

AMY POEHLER for "Parks and Recreation" (2009)

                Lea Michele may have won the Golden Globe award in this category, but that was half way through the season.  Poehler was better for the year as a whole and was funnier.  It is a comedy category so the ability to be funny should be taken into consideration along with acting ability.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Connie Britton for "Friday Night Lights" (2006)

Glenn Close for "Damages" (2007)

Mariska Hargitay for "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (1999)

January Jones for "Mad Men" (2007)

JULIANNA MARGULIES for "The Good Wife" (2009)

Kyra Sedgwick for "The Closer" (2005)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Ty Burrell for "Modern Family" (2009)

CHRIS COLFER for "Glee" (2009)

Jon Cryer for "Two and a Half Men" (2003)

Jesse Tyler Ferguson for "Modern Family" (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris for "How I Met Your Mother" (2005)

Eric Stonestreet for "Modern Family" (2009)

                Wow, how does one show get three people into this category?   One has to wonder if the votes could cancel one another out and allow another one of the individuals sneak in and take the gold.  In fact, I think that is what is going to happen.  However, it isn’t like Chris Colfer doesn’t deserve it.  He out acted a lot of people at certain points during Glee’s freshmen run.   He also managed to be humorous on top of that.   However, if anyone else deserves the award, it would be Eric Stonestreet who played Cam on Modern Family.  He is by far the best character on the series.  NPH already won an award for Best Guest Star in a comedy series for his one episode appearance on Glee, so he won’t win here.  By the way, he shouldn’t have even won that award.  The best guest appearance on Glee all season was from Mike O’Malley (yes, the guy from “Guts”)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Andre Braugher for "Men of a Certain Age" (2009)

Michael Emerson for "Lost" (2004)

Terry O'Quinn for "Lost" (2004)

AARON PAUL for "Breaking Bad" (2008)

Martin Short for "Damages" (2007)

John Slattery for "Mad Men" (2007)

                Slattery performed with swagger and class every time he was on screen as Roger Sterling on Mad Men.  He is one of my favorite characters on tv.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Julie Bowen for "Modern Family" (2009)

Jane Krakowski for "30 Rock" (2006)

JANE LYNCH for "Glee" (2009)

Holland Taylor for "Two and a Half Men" (2003)

Sofía Vergara for "Modern Family" (2009)

Kristen Wiig for "Saturday Night Live" (1975)

                It is unfortunate that both Jane Krakowski and Kristen Wiig have to be up against Jane Lynch here.  There is no argument against Wiig, but the other two were awesome as well.  I especially am fond of Wiig who is often the only funny part of SNL.  However, Jane Lynch created an iconic character as Sue Sylvester, the brash and bold cheerleading coach on Glee.  If there was a category to have a pick be guarantee, this is the one.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Christine Baranski for "The Good Wife" (2009)

Rose Byrne for "Damages" (2007)

Sharon Gless for "Burn Notice" (2007)

Christina Hendricks for "Mad Men" (2007)

ELIZABETH MOSS for "Mad Men" (2007)

Archie Panjabi for "The Good Wife" (2009)

                All I can say here is that Sharon Gless is the best actress of this entire group.   She makes the most of all the limited scenes she has on Burn Notice.

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series

"The Colbert Report" (2005)

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" (1996)

"Real Time with Bill Maher" (2003)

"Saturday Night Live" (1975)

"The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" (2009)

Who doesn't want a little Snooki now and then?

“Nick Wallander, why haven’t you blogged about anything worthwhile in the past month or so?” – one of my adoring fans.

Wow, looks like somebody needed to hear some thought provoking comments from a cynical asshole really badly.  I hope they really wanted this.  As Eminem would say, “be careful what you wish for…”

Okay, so let’s point out that nobody ever requested that I get back to blogging.   I just made that up to hook you all in and make you believe I have a solid fan base.  In reality, only about seven people have ever bothered to read my blog.   And of those seven, most of them just look at the pictures or links I attach.  Nobody really wants to read anymore.  That is why Youtube was invented.  Then people can post videos where they bitch about the world rather than write about it.  Oh, and they can do so while half naked, so it isn’t anything to complain about.

The summer is winding down.  It was a fantastic summer, wasn’t it?  From the sound of it, you all did some real fun and crazy shit.  I did my share of it too.  I also did my share of sitting around and watching the television and movies.  There is little to complain about.  It was relaxing and a good time for all.  In addition to the lazy days I did manage to make a few trips to the southern part of Wisconsin, see Packers training camp, run a 5K, and realign my life’s priorities. 

As I stated earlier, I did my fair share of watching movies and TV.  That is kind of ironic since the summertime is traditionally a wasteland on TV.  However, the USA Network, AMC, and MTV managed to present me with a lot of options for my DVR.  The USA Network had their simply amazing summer line-up.  The way they break up their seasons into two halves spaced out by a few months is nothing short of brilliant.  When network TV fails me, USA manages to bring the goods.  Not only do they have original programming on, but it is quality.  Shows like “White Collar”, “Psych”, “Burn Notice”, and “Royal Pains” are smart and well written shows that might not get a chance on network TV.  There is a good mix of comedy and drama on the USA shows.  The best part is that Tuesday through Wednesday always has something for me to watch for a few months.  I couldn’t ask for more.

It being summertime also meant the return of two vastly different shows.  One is critically acclaimed and possibly the best show on television.  The other is a guilty pleasure.  The first of these shows is “Mad Men”.  I have gushed about it before.  I could go on and on some more, but I will spare you the time.  Do yourself a favor and rent the DVDs or stream the seasons of “Mad Men” online.  It will blow your fucking mind.  If it doesn’t, well then you are just stupid and shouldn’t be allowed on a computer to read this blog anyway.  Yeah, I am serious.  If you are groaning at the mere mention of a show like “Mad Men”, you can go fuck yourself.  Oh, what is that?  You think I am coming off as a bit pretentious.  Well, I hope I am because you probably don’t even know what that word means.

That guilty pleasure show I was talking about?  Yeah, you probably guessed right.  It is in fact “Jersey Shore”.  I can’t help but be amused by a show that gives me one hour a week with the worst people humanity has to offer.  If we ever wanted to give aliens a reason to come down to Earth and blow our shit away, we should send up a DVD of “Jersey Shore”.  The aliens would watch ten minutes and think Earth was full of vapid over-tanned creatures with boob jobs and drinking problems.  And yes, that is a fair and accurate assessment of those people as a whole.  Now I understand that they are fairly attractive and some people actually think the cast of the show is a group of good people.  Well, those who think that are probably as vapid as the eight cast members.  They aren’t good people at all. 

Let’s just take a step back and look at what they do for a living.  They get millions of dollars to get filmed working out, getting tans, doing laundry, drinking, clubbing, fighting, and puking.   This is not over the course of a season either.  This would be the standard outline of every given day for those people.   They literally just do those things.   Apparently they have a job at a gelato shop, but we only see a minute of that every few episodes.  MTV would rather show them getting hammered and slutting it up at clubs.  They know that the trashy girls of the Midwest want to be like the girls and get with the men of Jersey Shore.  This crowd of women is their base demographic.  They get them watching the show and then advertise for that stupid “Twilight” shit and for god knows what else.  Basically, MTV has two types of viewers for “Jersey Shore”.  There are the dumbest of humanity who think that the cast is the greatest thing since sliced bread and want to be just like them.  And then there are the smart people who watch the show to mock the shit out of the idiots on screen.  

Don’t believe me that they are horrible people on “Jersey Shore”?   Well, let me give you an example.   First off, they are all self centered people who are walking contradictions.  They all openly admit that they are on the show to get hammered and hook up with as many people as possible.  The infamous Snooki started the season with a boyfriend back home who she claimed to be happy with.  However, she subtlety mentions that if something were to happen with another man while on location in Miami that it would be more or less no big deal.  She brushed it off before it even happened.  Well, we get a few episodes in and Snooks gets a call from her boyfriend Emilio who tells her he hooked up with another girl and feels bad about it.  Snooki is enraged.  She throws shit around the house and cries up a storm.  My guess is that the dumb viewers were on her side and failed to remember that in the prior week’s episode Snooki got so wasted and crawled into bed with Vinny.  They both were so drunk neither of them knew what happened.  Oh well, she is a TV star so it must have been okay.   The worst part is that MTV did nothing to remind us of such indiscretions.   

Basically, my point is that “Jersey Shore” is great train wreck style TV.  It is horrible, but you have to watch anyway.  If it were on during the fall or winter I wouldn’t even stop to watch.  However, they are on when I am bored, so they get my critical attention.   And hey, maybe I also have a little crush on that Amazonian J-Woww.  Gosh darn I bet she could throw me around a bedroom like a rag doll.  I would take every minute of that punishment like a rag doll.

Time to shake things up like a shake weight..

I was recently struck head on by a train.  It was not a standard choo-choo train or even a locomotive.  In fact, the train I speak of wasn’t even corporeal.  It wasn’t tangible in the slightest, but left an impact as wide as blood splattered on the tracks.  This train that hit me was a train full of reality.  You see, it has come to by attention that I had become way to complacent with life.

It could have been a hard pill to swallow for most people who came to such a realization.  For me, however, I understand that such a realization provides more of an opportunity for change rather than a burden.  Ultimately I have become way to accepting of the mundane existence which I lead.  Do I have things going for me?  Sure, but they are nothing to phone home about.  In a nutshell, my life is rather boring on a day to day basis.  Sitting through my day is often like sitting through a marathon of Water World followed by The Happening on a continuous loop for 8 hours.  There are very few redeeming qualities other than a steady paycheck.  It is bland, repetitive, and mind numbing.  That is not what I ever intended when I left for college back in 2000.

I wish I could place blame on an external force for this conundrum of complacency that I find myself in.  There isn’t anyone or anything to blame other than myself.  I created the life path that lead to this point in my existence.  Destiny presented several options and I kept choosing the wrong ones.  If my life was a Choose Your Own Adventure book, it would just be a continuous loop without a real fun ending.  I’d wake up, go to work, come home, watch tv, and then sleep.  Rinse.  Wash.  Repeat.  Exciting eh?

My job really isn’t fulfilling in the slightest.  I have been with the company for essentially three years and have accomplished just about as much as I possibly could within my position.  There may be a few more responsibilities that I could pick up, but they wouldn’t lead to more pay or even a title change, so that would be a moot point if you ask me.  Some may think that’s a great way to establish your name within the ranks, but they are probably delusional and drinking the Kool-Aid.  The honest and skeptical person understands that corporate America loves nothing more than to get you to do more work without having to reward you in any means.  My current philosophy is to just kick ass at what I do.

Kicking ass is what I feel I do on a daily basis.  My numbers are good and I’ve never been on any kind of improvement program.  I have established my niche and expertise in things that others chose not to or are incapable of understanding.  The problem with this is that I think I ran out of ass to kick.  Nothing seems new anymore.  When there isn’t anything new then there isn’t a chance for excitement.   I’ve said it about four different ways already, but let me reiterate it one more time.  I am bored out of my fucking mind with what I do. 

I feel like a mindless robot.  My brain is not being used to its full potential.  The critical thinking and problem solving skills that I developed over five years at UW-Whitewater are going to waste.  There are no opportunities for my creativity and ability to think outside the box.  Instead I live through a week of scripted responses, answers on an online database, and redundant tasks.  The work assigned to me might seem like life altering shit for some of the people in the company, but I would wager to say that those are the same people who feel as if they’ve made it big because they didn’t expect much from life with a high school education.  Yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but it is a rational observation of the world around me.   Being a claims processor and customer care specialist was never on my list of ideal jobs when I decided to get an education.  The work I do everyday is nothing more than mindless bullshit meant for drones.  I want to be intellectually engaged in my work again.

I suppose that is what I miss the most about my last job, at UW-Whitewater as a “Compliance Manager” in the office of Research and Sponsored Programs.  I was at least challenged to think every now and then.  Granted the pay was about 30% less than I make now and it was technically a limited term job, it was engaging and offered new opportunities to grow every day.  When I moved to Green Bay was the moment I came complacent.  I just needed to find a job to pay the bills and give me a little padding to live comfortably.  I settled.  There is no other way to say it.  As stated earlier, this whole mess of nonsense is all my fault.

So, what the hell is this rant all about?  Well, as I stated earlier, it has become crystal clear that I have become complacent.  Well, as I have straightened out some details of my life, I was able to see that changes need to be made.  These changes are both professionally and personally.   Settling is something I can no longer do.  There are other options for me in every facet of my life.  There are new career paths to be explored.  There are new people to meet.  There are other women to woo.   There are adventures to be had.  All of these ideas were not realistic to me in the past three years because I needed to do what I was doing to get by.  At the time it was the only way to do things.  It is time to stop needing and to start wanting.

A new day is dawning for me.  I’ve been online scoping out new jobs with every extra minute I have.  New cities are being researched as potential places to live.  Different people are becoming more regular components of my social life.  I am slowly breaking the shackles of redundancy.  I feel as if I am being liberated a bit more every day.

Oddly enough it all started when I decided to sign up to run that Packers 5K that just took place.  I had never done anything like it before.  There needed to be a first time for everything.  My new philosophy lately has been that I can’t make something a reality unless I have set a concrete plan in place.  Something had to be official somewhere for it to be a real goal.  By investing my money into that run, I had no excuse not to do it.  There was a real endgame that I was unable to avoid.  I had to get my ass running or else I was going to be an embarrassment and out $25.

Running was something I had attempted to get into several times previous.  In most cases I did so for just a couple weeks and then interest fizzled away.  Sometimes I just lost all motivation or made excuses not to do so.  That shit stopped when I decided to run the 5K.  To further encourage myself, I bought new shoes to go with my Nike Plus device as well as new shorts and a gym bag.  The more I invested into the task, the more I was motivated to accomplish it.  I did something new and scary.  It was something I never thought I would get into.  But I did it.  I ran that 5K.  I finished it.  Most of all, I enjoyed doing it.  That is why it was such an awesome experience.  It isn’t every day that you get to invest yourself into something you enjoy doing.

For now I will go through the daily motions.  I will probably be fairly bored to fucking death doing so.   However, I am going to explore whatever else is out there.  Will I find a new job?   Possibly.  Maybe I will end up going back to school.  I have seen a lot of people do that lately.  What is stopping me from doing that?  Absolutely nothing.   I used to think there was some invisible force out there discouraging me from doing so.  Well, that was me making up bullshit excuses.  Something big is on the horizon and I am going to find that shit if it is the last thing I do.

It better not be the last thing I do, though.   I could think of a million better ways to die.  Like being hit by a meteorite.  That would at least be a great story to tell all the other dead people.

I project a review of "Inception"

“What's the most resilient parasite? An Idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules.” – Cobb (Leonardo DeCaprio) in Inception.

Take that phrase in and let it absorb into your mind for a moment.  Are those not the most insightful words you have read all day?   Not many words spoken have ever captured a concept more accurately.  Ideas are exactly as Mr. DeCaprio’s character described.  Good ideas.  Bad ideas.  It doesn’t matter.  An idea could carry the power to shape the course of events for anything from a single soul to an entire race.  However, for these ideas to have any effect on the world, they need to be perceived by someone.  The perception of ideas is what creates our reality.   This is exactly the point that director Christopher Nolan makes with his movie, Inception.

Anybody who has followed me on Facebook or Twitter already knows that I was gushing praise about Inception within moments of the end credits rolling.  The film is a masterpiece and a mind-fuck of epic proportions.  It is a rare example of a movie that makes a point but demonstrates it by having an effect on the viewer.  There is no secret that I loved it and will suggest it to just about everyone.  I say just about everyone because I know a handful of people who probably couldn’t mentally comprehend the near complex nature of the story.

And yes, this is me taking shots at “dumb” people.   More specifically, by “dumb” people,  I mean those who have the inability to pay attention enough to listen to what the characters are telling you.  Christopher Nolan wrote the screenplay to Inception and included dialogue that not only explains in detail what is about to happen, but it occasionally acknowledges the questions that the audience may be asking.

For those of you who don’t have a clue what Inception is about, let me give you a brief summary.   DeCaprio plays Cobb, a master of corporate espionage, who works alongside his partner, Arthur (Joseph Gordon Levitt), in the business of stealing ideas on a freelance basis.  The catch is that they use a special technology to steal ideas from dreams.  To make a long story short, a man named Saito (Ken Watanabe) hires them to do the exact opposite in the dreams of his competitor, Robert Fischer (Cillian Murphy).  When I say do the exact opposite, I am referring to the planting of an idea, which would be described as the term “inception”.  The problem with the process of inception is that it has never been done before due to the fact that the human mind can spot foreign idea like it were a sore thumb.  Needless to say, Cobb and his crew have some work ahead of them.

That’s the basic concept of the film and really all you need to know.  However, I should tell you that Ellen Page plays Ariadne, an architecture student, who is recruited to mentally create a set of landscapes and environments for Cobb’s team to use in their subconscious.  She plays a pivotal role because she is the one that asks all the questions we are asking.  She also gets really nosey into Cobb’s past which is great because his baggage is the heart of this story.  Also working with this rag tag crew are a forgery expert named Eames (Tom Hardy) and a chemist named Yusuf (Dileep Rao).  Their unique sets of skills are used brilliantly with the concept of dream invasion. 

Inception as a whole is a little science fiction mixed with a heist film, a thriller, and a psychological character piece.  The story is essentially told in a linear fashion, but with multiple layers that are easy to keep track of if you are paying attention before the mission starts.  This is helpful to those who spiraled into confusion when viewing Nolan’s first big film, Memento.  It was also helpful that the film immediately acknowledged skepticism that audiences might have about a movie about dreams.  The first thought that came to mind when I learned about Inception’s plot was that we’d all just be fooled by some dream within a dream nonsense.  Well, in the first ten minutes of the film, this idea is addressed directly and we immediately come to an understanding that it won’t be used as a cheap method of plot resolution.

What more is there to say?  Lots actually, but I honestly don’t have the time or patience to write it all here.  You also don’t have that much time to read.  Instead, let me share with you a few bullet points of why I loved this movie.

·         Good use of special effects.  Sure there is plenty of CGI utilized in Inception, but it is not as blatantly obvious or over the top like Avatar was.  Despite the movie being mostly set in dreams, there is still a level of realism to everything, just as if you were experiencing a dream first hand.   That scene from the trailers with Paris folding over itself is one for the ages. 

·         Joseph Gordon-Levitt may become a bona fide leading man after this.  He has deserved it since great work in Brick, The Lookout, and 500 Days of Summer. 

·         When the Academy Awards nominations come out, there will be a nomination for Marion Cotillard. She already has one under her belt, but her performance here could put another on the mantle.  (Not sure if she would be a supporting actress or the leading lady)  Cotillard plays Mal, the primary antagonist.  For the most part she appears as Cobb’s subconscious projection of his wife.  Essentially, her character tends to show up while Cobb is working and makes things get messy.  Cotillard does an amazing job balancing a frail helplessness with pure menace. 

·         There is a fight scene in the middle of the movie that takes place in a hotel hallway.  When you see the film, you’ll know which scene I refer to.  This scene is a game changer for the way imagination comes to life on screen.  It will likely make people stop thinking about how innovative the bullet dodging was in The Matrix.

In conclusion, I must simply say that Inception will blow your mind wide open.  The movie does what its characters seek out to do.  It implants an idea in your head and gets you thinking.  Ultimately, this is the goal of most filmmakers and one that is rarely ever accomplished by them.  You will leave the theater with all sorts of thoughts rolling around your head.  You’ll have questions.  You’ll create answers for yourself.  You’ll talk about the movie with friends.  Before you know it you’ll have theories you are sharing or you’ll be online blogging away about it.  Then you’ll suggest the movie to friends just so you can talk to them about their thoughts and feelings.  Basically, a whole lot of thinking will come from Inception.  That is a lot to chew on.  All because of one simple little idea.

When the smoke clears....

I don’t smoke.  I probably never will smoke.  I am not even a drinker.  However, despite not engaging in either of those vices, I have found myself out and about at local bars and restaurants with my friends.  I go there to be social, to have a good time, and to just get out of the house.  Regardless of the volume of fun to be had there was always one common thing with all my experiences out on the town.  At some point in the evening or the next morning I would have a terrible headache.

                I know what you are going to say.  Nick Wallander is an ass clown liar and I knew it all along!  No, he is not.  So, you can relax as I assure you that these headaches were not due to a hangover.   That would be impossible since I don’t drink, but in some ways it would be better to just have a hangover headache as opposed to the truth.  I was having second hand smoke headaches.  Hours of inhaling cancerous fumes will do that to you.  If the headaches alone weren’t annoying enough there was always the soot colored snot that got blown into the tissues.  On top of that are the perfectly good contacts abused by the smoke as well.  The smoke in the bars was nothing but trouble.  At least it was for the non-smokers.  Those who did smoke were blind to these instances due to their nicotine addiction.  They are the biased experts on the issue because they are, you know, addicted to a powerful drug.

                Go ahead.  Yell at me for not knowing what I am talking about.  Tell me that smoking isn’t addictive and that nicotine is not a powerful drug.  Tell me that second hand smoke is just a myth.  Tell me that I should just stay at home if I don’t want to get some smoke blown in my face.  Well, okay.  Don’t tell me that because I will just tell you that you are starting to get rude.  I would follow it up with a “Why don’t you stay the fuck home and smoke your cancer sticks?”. 

                If you haven’t figured out yet, I am going into an opinionative rant about the newly instilled Wisconsin smoking ban for bars, eateries, and places of business.  A lot of things have been said about the new law.  Both sides of the issue are throwing out comments about their rights being violated one way or another.  In reality, both sides have valid points.  There is no doubt about that.  However, one thing can’t be argued.  This law is better for the health of the general public.  People who smoke can still smoke, but they won’t be up in other people’s business when doing so.

                Now I know what a lot of people argue at this point in the discussion.  The smokers are going to suggest that the non-smokers just go to establishments that have already decided to ban smoking.  Well, isn’t that a selfish statement?  Why the hell can’t you just step outside for a couple minutes?  Wouldn’t that be easier on everyone?  Let’s also not forget about the people who work at these bars and eateries that often don’t have a choice where they work, so they have to endure pillars of cancer gas every night.  What about them?  Should they just not work?  It isn’t as simple as telling the non-smokers to move along.

                Argument point number two is about the bar owners’ private property rights being taken away.  Many people believe that the state shouldn’t get to make that call since people have the choice to go to bars.  People walk in on their own free will into private property.  They should accept what the environment is and the owners should have full discretion if you ask some people.  Hmmm.  This is an interesting point.  I see what they are saying, but I can offer a great retort to that.  These people are essentially saying that being on private property means that the laws of the public should be exempt.  This becomes a bigger issue than it needs to be because part of the opposition is arguing for a behavior/drug that they are addicted to.  They don’t realize that there are plenty of existing regulations that they already adhere to that bar owners could argue are an infringement to their private property rights.   The thing is that people don’t complain because it doesn’t affect their addiction.

                Think about this.  If there weren’t state sanctions on health rules on private properties, the people working in the restaurants wouldn’t even need to refrigerate their food.  Would you like to eat spoiled meat on your hamburger?  Or how about this?  Let’s say screw it to the state’s interference with private businesses and let that bartender mix a drink after left the bathroom without washing their piss covered hand. That would be splendid, wouldn’t it?  Mmm.  Who doesn’t like a tangy drink?  Better yet, let’s forget all consideration for the health of patrons and just let the fry cook send out a shit burger!  It is okay though.  It is their right to do that.  If you didn’t want a shit burger you could go to another place to eat.

                See what I did there?  It makes more sense when you compare the new smoking ban to existing regulation.  It isn’t so bad when you think about it.  We already abide by standards that many could complain are restrictions on individual rights.  The point is that we don’t complain because there is a general understanding that things are for the good of everybody.  In due time, the state of Wisconsin will adjust to the new smoking ban.  The alcoholics will still frequent their corner bars because they need their booze more than a smoke filled room.  The chain smokers will find refuge in the smoking areas outside and may even learn to like the social scene outside of bars.  It will take a little time, but in the end, the state wide smoking ban is good.

                It will be awesome when I don’t have to worry about the smell of smoke on my clothes in the morning.  I won’t have to worry about ruining my contacts or blowing smoke snot from my nose.  I will sleep better without a headache.  However, I may still have to worry about the slight chance of syphilis.      

Toy Story 3: My new favorite movie...

It would appear that movies made in 3D are no longer just a fad.  With the release of “Avatar”, both Hollywood and movie-goers started to understand that the technology really can enhance a movie (and make a ton of money).  I initially was skeptical of the 3D concept.  The first theatrical movie I had ever seen in that particular medium was “My Bloody Valentine 3D”.  The movie was a steaming pile of dung, but I couldn’t help but be amused by the 3D aspect of it all.  Since then I had seen a few more movies in 3D.  The idea grew on me and I couldn’t help but get engrossed in the environment of the stories I watched unfold.  3D is cool in its own right and then I saw a movie in 3D at the IMAX.  Talk about mind blowing.  If there is an ideal way to see a movie in 3D, it is at the IMAX.  The technology seems to get better with each movie.  I am astounded by this.  The worlds on screen seem to have legitimate dimensions and depth.  It is almost as if you are right there with the characters.  When I was a kid, I could never have dreamed that movies would be displayed this way.

I no longer scoff at a movie being released in 3D (except “Step Up 3D” which is a mistake, Hollywood).  I now welcome the concept of 3D entertainment and can’t wait to see what comes to the screen next.  However, for as much as I now love 3D movies, there is one complaint I must make.  Despite how cool 3D movies are, they tend to get a little blurry when there are tears in your eyes.

This weekend I was treated to the opportunity to see “Toy Story 3” at the IMAX in 3D.  I had anticipated this movie for months.  I was actually content with the prospect of seeing the film in 3D here in Green Bay.  However, when the chance to see the movie in both 3D and at the IMAX came about, I jumped to it like a frog jumping on whatever it is frogs jump on these days.  Anyone with a soul has waited 11 years for another “Toy Story” and this one was in 3D.  Freaking awesome.  The expectations were high and the 3D enhancement of the film was only going to make it better. 

Let’s take a moment to take this all into consideration.  Screw 3D.  It didn’t need to be there for me when seeing “Toy Story 3”.  When I gloss over my feelings about the film I realize that the 3D aspect of it had very little to do with how much I enjoyed it.   There were so many other elements that contributed to the movie being raised to my personal pedestal of one of the best movies I have ever seen.  In fact, I might even feel like it is the best of the best, but that will need some time to digest in the back of my mind.  Some of you are immediately going to think I am some 28 year old loon who loves children’s movies.  Well, those of you can go fuck yourselves because you don’t have hearts.

The “Toy Story” movies, or less specifically, the PIXAR movies, are not just children’s movies.  They have been much more.  They are works of cinematic art.  They are characters and emotions brought to life by computer rendered animation, spectacular voice-overs, and the best writing in Hollywood.  After spending 100 minutes watching “Toy Story 3” I came to the realization that PIXAR employees the most creative minds in the movie business.  They have not made one bad movie.  Go ahead.  Take a minute to think of one.  Still thinking?  Well, you’ll be doing that until sometime in the distant future when PIXAR shows that even they are human.  My point is that they are batting 1.000 and “Toy Story 3” was the proverbial grand slam.

How do I sum up my feelings specifically about “Toy Story 3”?  That is a good question.  First of all, as I sat in that theater, I confirmed my notion that the movie was not just some kids’ flick.  Majority of the audience consisted of adults that were not accompanied by children.  That included myself, Jason, Steve, and Ann (well, technically she is “with child”, but that doesn’t count).  The neat thing about this crowd of adults was the sense of enthusiasm that seemed to emanate from every seat.  You could just see how eager people were for the movie to start.  Most of the crowd was in their 20s which means that they were kids or teenagers when the first “Toy Story” came out.  We’ve all been through, or in some cases still are going through, the central concept of the movie which is “growing up”.  In a way, many of us were drawn to the film to recapture a bit of our childhoods that we never wanted to let go.  The movie brings you back to it and then kicks you in the stomach when you realize just how much you miss those days.

Universally speaking, the PIXAR films work on two levels.  They are cute and lively enough to keep the kids engaged, but are also written intelligently enough with wit, humor, and themes to get the grown-ups enjoying the movies as well.  It is safe to say that PIXAR has mastered its approach.  “Toy Story 3” is no exception from this pre-established rule.  In fact, it brings it to a whole new level.  The movie works those two approaches and then melds them so that the adults and kids are experiencing the same emotions.  There was a little boy sitting a row behind me that was laughing just hysterically when hijinks went down on the screen.  Any other movie and I might have been annoyed.  However, that was not the case here because I was wondering how many people might be getting annoyed by my laughing.  It wasn’t just laughing at some funny moments, but laughter of utter enjoyment that encompassed the theater.

I’m not going to go too much into the plot.  That may very well diminish some of the experience that comes with “Toy Story 3”.  In a nutshell though, I can tell you that the story revolves around Woody (Tom Hanks) and his band of toy friends being relocated to a day care center.  They get relocated to the day care because of a mix-up that occurs when their owner, Andy, is packing for college.  He is all grown up now and unfortunately doesn’t play with the toys like he did when he was just a boy.  The story plays out as the toys attempt to get back to Andy before he leaves for college.  I would love to go into further snippets of the plot, but it is one that you really need to experience for yourself.  It is all the more powerful if you view it without too much prior knowledge.  That way you can ride the emotional rollercoaster like the rest of us did.

I can tell you this.   You are probably going to cry.  Yes, even you, Mr. Manly Man.  If I were a betting man (I am) I would say that while the kids were wiping smiles from their faces, the adults were wiping tears from their eyes.  There are several powerful and poignant moments in this film.  I can think of three of them particularly.  What PIXAR does with a gaggle of animated toys is a feat that even the best directors have a hard time doing with live actors.  The movie makes you feel, even when you don’t want to.  Anyone who has ever lived through that period of time between childhood and adulthood is going to relate to what Andy and the toys are going through.

Yes, I am admitting to getting emotional.  I am not ashamed of it… well, I am not ashamed of it now.  I was glad to have those huge 3D glasses on my face while at the theater.   I am sure most of the men in that theater were glad for them as well.  This entire notion alone is enough for me to suggest the movie.

“Toy Story 3” was so much more than a tear joker though.  There are so many other aspects of the film that make it a cinematic juggernaut.  I’ll try to hit on a few of them before I wrap things up here.  If I don’t go over them I wouldn’t be doing the filmmakers any justice for what they accomplished.

It would be a crime for me to not immediately make note of how funny “Toy Story 3” is at times.  The kids are going to laugh along with the adults in the silly and physical moments, as they should.  However, the PIXAR award winning formula calls for some jokes that go over the kids’ heads.  They accomplish this like we have come to expect from their movies.  The most notable was the emergence of the Ken doll (voiced by Michael Keaton).  Ken is portrayed as a flamboyant fashionado who has a love at first sight moment upon meeting Barbie for the first time ever.  Veiled in Ken’s comedic behavior is the nearly obvious notion that he isn’t quite into women like you would expect him to be. 

I also would like to make note of my favorite addition to the characters in the “Toy Story” mythos.  When the toys get to the day care they are introduced to a whole slew of other play things.  One that stands out is named Big Baby.  He is what he sounds like, which is a baby doll.  More specifically he is one of those dolls that has the eyes that shut when in the laying down position.  However, this particular doll is weathered, dirty, marked up with crayons, and has a broken eye.  It is a hideous abomination, but is just a brilliant part of the movie.  It stands out because we’ve all seen that one toy that a kid hangs on to that is almost too disgustingly dirty and worn down to be true.  Big Baby has seen some hard times and shows it in the creepiest ways (yes, that is a tear drop tattoo under its broken eye).  You’ll enjoy the creepiness.

The most important performance in the film comes from Tom Hanks voicing Woody.  If there ever was a voice performance that should get consideration for an Oscar nomination, Hanks’ work in “Toy Story 3” is it.  Anybody who says that voiceover work isn’t real acting, hasn’t seen this movie.  He does not phone in his performance like other actors may have in animated sequels.  Tom Hanks brings the real deal and treats the role of Woody like any other role he has performed.  He puts forth a great balance of bumbling humor and genuine love in all of the lines he reads.  Woody is not a great character if he isn’t played by Tom Hanks.  The “Toy Story” movies are not great without Tom Hanks. 

Before I wrap things up, I need elaborate more on the 3D aspect of “Toy Story 3”.  I didn’t really hate it.  It was actually quite enjoyable.  Some movies add the 3D feature as a gimmick.  Those movies like to have things lunge out at the viewer or have aspects of the environment in the foreground obnoxiously.  That is not the case with “Toy Story 3”.  There are no flies or magic tree seeds to swat out of the way like in “Avatar”.  3D in this masterpiece is used to enhance the experience and give the movie some depth and dimension.  It looks wonderful and lifelike.  In fact, very few movies have ever looked better.  Who knows how great it would have looked if there weren’t all those pesky tears in my eyes.

....and More.

Wouldn’t it be really creepy and strange if someone decided that they wanted to run their own grocery store out of a small warehouse?  Well, let’s say that it isn’t a small warehouse, but a large garage that happened to be attached to someone’s home.  That would make it officially strange, right?  That would have to be something a person would make up for a movie about a road trip through the South, right?  Wrong.  That shit exists just down the road from me.  I didn’t believe it until I saw it either.

                I first heard about Traci’s groceries and more a couple years back when Jarmos and I were holding a rummage sale at the duplex we rented on the west side of Green Bay.  The snaggle-toothed old woman from across the street had come over to browse through the DVDs I was selling.   She had come to the one we had the previous summer and bought up several box sets of TV shows I was never going to watch again.  Apparently her emotionally abusive husband didn’t get out much and the only thing that kept him from beating the shit out of her was if she had some DVDs to watch.  Okay, so she didn’t say he would beat her, but she implied he was a shut-in that hated the outside world.  I just assumed he slapped her around if she didn’t bring him a TV dinner at just the right temperature.  Also, his sanity was in question because he was apparently going to be giddy about the Mighty Ducks Trilogy his wife just bought from Jason.

                Any way, I make the mistake of saying more than a few words to the old lady.  She then thought we were friends or something.  I got extremely nervous and was expecting her to invite us over for dinner.  Maybe we could meet her 30 year old son who still lived at home and drove a shuttle van for the casino.  Yep.  I learned that much and still remember it.  I am thrilled that some of my precious brain power was wasted on that nonsense.  During the woman’s rambling, she became excited to ask me if I ever checked out the grocery stand over by Sears.  I had not seen such a stand nor did I have any idea where it would be since there was not a grocery stand in sight.  This was cleared up for me when the lady told me that it was in a grey garage across the street from the Sears on Military Ave.  Now, I probably wouldn’t notice it unless I was there on the first and third Saturdays of the month.  That was when Traci was out there selling the goods.

                I honestly didn’t care about this new information.  However, I had to listen to it if I ever wanted to sell those Scully and Mulder action figurines that were collecting dust on my desk for years.  Traci apparently got her hands on some grade A shit and sold it for less than grocery stores.  I made the mistake of questioning her legitimacy.  The old bag from across the street seemed to be offended by my skepticism.  Now, I wasn’t skeptical of the woman’s prices.  I was certain that they were very low.  I was wondering how legit the operation was.  It was very likely that a grocery truck was getting hijacked weekly by some crazed bitch who wanted to sell groceries out of her garage (but only twice a month on alternating Saturdays).   I smiled and sold those DVDs and action figures to the toothless wonder and then went about my business.

                I forgot about it until one day during my move from the duplex to my new apartment where I still reside.  I don’t remember who I was with, but I do recall driving by that garage on a Saturday when it was open.  Good lord, that crazy bitch across the street wasn’t making shit up.  There really was a grocery store run out of some strange woman’s garage.  Such a golden opportunity for mockery could not go to waste.  Jason and I immediately knew what needed to be done with confirmation that this place existed.  We had to get Amy in that store.  She would be the one to confirm just how shady it was.

                Just under a year later the crew and I were strolling about Green Bay waiting for Steve to get off of work on a Saturday afternoon.  It just so happened that Amy was in town and we suddenly had some free time on our hands.  Light bulbs turned on above our heads as Jason and I remembered that we wanted to get a classic “hmmm” from Amy about the mythical grocery story run out of a garage.  So, we went there.

                The garage doors were not open as they were the first time I had seen the place.  We had to go in the clear glass door on the side.  The glass door made it seem almost legit.  So did the stickers that said they accepted credit cards and food stamps.  How the hell does someone get the state to allow them to redeem food stamps from their garage?  That can’t be legal, can it?  It is no wonder why people were ripping off the state for day care funds.  There clearly are a lot of people working in Madison that half ass their jobs if something like food stamps can be redeemed out of someone’s garage.  Regardless, I was impressed that there were methods other than cash at Traci’s Groceries and More.  Hell, I was surprised she took cash and wasn’t about the bartering of goods and services.  I figured bartering was were the “More” came from in the name of the store.  

                Entering the store was like nothing I had ever seen.  A couple of tables were set up near the door as a check out counter.  There were boxes lined up behind it and a couple monitors displaying the security feed.  Yep, the woman was concerned that people were shadier than the idea of selling groceries out of a garage.  The merchandise itself was set on in narrow aisles on wire framed shelves.  There were also a few of those plastic framed shelves on the walls, just like the ones you would expect in a garage.  The back wall of the store actually had a couple coolers and a freezer.  To be honest, it didn’t feel like a garage.  It also didn’t feel like a store.  If you were to describe to me what a food storage area would look like in a nuclear bunker, I would propose this store was the perfect design for such a place.

                There were two prices for every item.  One for cash.  The other for credit.  Traci didn’t accept checks.  She wasn’t about to be trusting anybody like that.  Personally, I wasn’t about to be trusting her either.  I checked the expiration dates on everything I looked at in hopes of proving my theory that she was a dumpster diver that sold what she found in the garbage.  Nope.  It all appeared to be legit and still good.  The main reason I check was because I needed to purchase something.  There is no way you can walk into someone’s food bunker and not purchase something.  She was already watching us like a hawk on her video monitors.  If we walked out empty handed, we would have looked like we were thieving something from the crazy bitch.

                I am not just saying she was a crazy bitch because she sold groceries out of a garage.  I am saying this because she looked bat shit crazy.  If you have ever imagined a chain smoking redneck woman from the 80s, you have seen Traci.  To avoid being on an episode of COPS, I made sure to buy as all those large freezie pops.  I paid in cash, which afforded me the opportunity to see Traci did for change out of a small money pouch she had slung over her shoulder.  No, there was not a cash box or a cash register in her store.  I can only assume that she kept the money close and on her at all times just in case someone ever came in to rob her store.  Really shouldn’t make a difference because a robber would get the money either way, but to a bat shit crazy person it makes sense to not have a register that someone could ask be emptied.

                What also surprised me a bit was there was no scanner or price charts anywhere at the check-out station.  Traci didn’t have price tags on the food either.  How in the fuck she remembered the price of every single item is beyond me.  If she really did have the correct prices memorized couldn’t be confirmed either because I wasn’t even paying attention to whether or not I paid her the correct amount.  There was too much to process.  I needed to take in every detail to tell Steve later that afternoon.  Needless to say, Steve was a bit upset that he didn’t get to come with us to see the spectacle that was Traci’s Groceries and More.

                That was until this past Saturday when Steve and I met up for lunch.  We had a little extra time after we engulfed our Taco Bell quesadillas, so Steve proposed that we go check out the infamous grocery store in a garage.  So, we did just that.  When we drove across the street I became relieved when there was a parking spot open for us.  That was surprising on a nice spring afternoon when you’d expect all retail outlets to be bustling with activity.  I am not sure Steve really believed it was a store until we walked inside.  Steve was immediate drawn to the rack of movies.  He noted the two year old movies that Traci was trying to pass off as new releases.  I am not sure if he noticed the VHS tapes she was trying to sell.  If I had to guess, I would say that Traci was ten years behind the rest of us.  Steve bought a jar of peanuts and I bought some Keebler cookies. We got the hell out of there as fast as we could because we could feel Traci watching us like we were the shady ones in that garage.

                I am fairly certain I do not have a need to ever go back in that store/garage again.  Unless of course I can get a clear idea what the “More” refers to.