Sunday, September 19, 2010

By the hammer of Thor, Clay Matthews is fucking awesome!

Clay Matthews may have seemingly been carved out by the Norse Gods of Valhalla.  He is a chiseled beast who was sent down to destroy all the mortals in his path.  He especially looks the part.  He could very well be the brother of Thor, the God of Thunder.  They both have long blonde flowing locks and wear helmets with shoulder pads.  However, the fundamental difference is that Clay Matthews doesn’t need some mythical hammer to get business done.  He just needs a blitz called. Hell, if Thor and Clay Matthews were dropped into a cage, my money would be on Clay.  He is a beast.  

                Now Clay Matthews isn’t any beast.  He is more like a genetically enhanced lion that has the tendencies of a piranha.  He smells blood and he hones in on the kill.  Ask Kevin Kolb about that.  Last week he personally auditioned for the sequel to Pirhanna 3D.   He might get the part, by the way, because he looked convincing taking an attack.   You could also ask Trent Edwards what it feels like to get pounced by a man eating piranha lion.   Think about it, folks.  Clay totally is some form of lion pouncing on prey in the Serengeti.  Just look at that mane of hair for starters.  And if he were a lion, his lion name would be Simba because of his lineage.   Clay senior would be Mufasa Matthews.  Trust me here, Clay is taking his place in the circle of ass kicking.

                The Packers looked good today, right?   Nobody seems to notice because the news outlets are busy felaciating Mark Sanchez for the one good game he has seemingly ever played.  Let’s be honest here, people.  The Patriots just played a shitty game here.  The defense was lacking and Sanchez just happened to pull his head out of his ass for a few minutes to throw a few pretty passes.  Brady really did play shitty.  Threw at least two interceptions and fumbled from what I saw.  It must have been because his Justin Beiber hair got jostled into his eyes.   You’d throw like shit if you couldn’t see clear as well. 

                My point is that the Packers are playing well.  They won the tight game last week by any means necessary.  This week they manhandled a team that they were supposed to beat.  That is what a good team should be able to accomplish.  Now I understand that it is way too early to be purchasing playoff tickets.  There are 14 more weeks ahead for the Packers.  That is a long time for bad things to happen.  However, there is no reason we can’t be optimistic.  Losing Ryan Grant shouldn’t be a problem.  They have capable guys.   McCarthy just needs to learn to trust Brandon Jackson and everything will be alright.

                I am calling it right now.  Packers versus Texans in the Super Bowl.   I want to see Jerry Jones watching the game from his private suite in the Arlington Transformers Dome or whatever it is called.  He will have had a lot of time to get over the Cowboys not being there since they will have been eliminated from the playoffs long before then (probably mid November with the way things are going).  I apologize for no official NFL predictions blog this year.  I was just sick of all the predictions and analysis after all my fantasy drafts.   None of you cared what I thought anyway.

                Can AJ Hawk get traded already?  Seriously.  He hasn’t been useful in Green Bay since they stopped having him on the pre-movie commercials at Marcus Theaters.   All he was ever good for was telling people to shut up and turn off their phones.  What is impressive about that?  There are basement dwelling high school kids employed by Marcus that can do the same thing, and for less.  The Packers really should push this skill of his when trying to trade him.  I am certain that there are noisy people in Buffalo movie theaters.  There has to be since there is nothing to hoot and holler about at the football stadium.

                Okay, I am done with this one.   I can’t write much more when I would rather stay up another hour admiring my Charles Woodson autographed football.

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