Tuesday, May 18, 2010

No ma'am I can't time travel to adjust your claim....

My last call of the day at work was one of those that makes you want to rip your hair out or slam your head into a car door.  It kept me there ten minutes past my shift.  It wasn't because I was dealing with a difficult caller.  Well, she wasn't difficult in the sense that she wasn't irate or angry, but she was difficult in the intelligence department.  This one caller asked for something that borders on the impossible unless you have a quantum displacement device.  That's right, I had a woman asking me to essentially alter space and time on her behalf.

Let me give you some background.  When this woman, we'll call her The Crazer, signed up for our company's services, she was given the impression that a certain preventive procedure was covered in full.  There is no way of knowing if someone told her the wrong information or if she just heard what she wanted.  Chances are that it was the later of the two choices, but it is a moot point once you get the big picture.  Well, long before she ever went into get such a procedure, she was informed of the exact and more correct coverage for the service.  On top of that, she still hasn't gotten such a service.  She is caught up on what she interpreted a year ago rather than the correct benefits are.

Now, when you put things into the present perspective, the woman doesn't have anything to complain about.  She was given the correct information before she ever went in for the service.  Since she never had it done and was given the right benefits, she is essentially held to the policy as it is written.  It is pretty cut and dry for anyone with a brain.   Had she went and had the procedure before being corrected, we could go back and review was she was told originally and possibly reconsider and pay the claim.  However, she never went.  She now knows how it goes.

That logic didn't sit well with The Crazer.  She seemed to be stuck on a trivial point from when she was sold the plan.  The fact of the matter is that we can't change her plan or coverage.  That's just impossible....unless we were to travel back in time to when the policy was created.  She was one of those people that once you clearly explain the answer to her question, she changes what she was asking about.  Naturally when I tell her that we can't change her benefits, she decides that she wanted clarification between the coverage for two separate, but related procedures.  Well, when I clearly stated the difference between them, she promptly told me she already knew that and had a different concern.  This went in circles because whatever she questioned had a logical answer, so she had to cycle to another concern.  It was my own living paradox of insurance hell.  I was stuck in a loop that I was probably not getting out of until it was well past my shift.  Ugh.

The crazer didn't understand the basic element of theorhetical physics that declares that whatever happened, happened.  She was given the correct information and never had a procedure done on false assumptions.  She never had it done period.  Since nothing had happened, nothing could be fixed.  That seemed to be some kind of mind blowing concept for her.  The Crazer's brain could only go to ten, but somehow the basic logic I presented her seemed to crank it up to eleven.  Apparently a speaker blew out on her.  Bitch just didn't get it.

She wasn't quite clear where and when she wanted the problem fixed.  At times I thought she wanted me to Quantum Leap my ass back a year to correct some jackass in the sales department.  It was as if she believed that was a possible feat.  I hope that she realizes that sports betting is a higher priority on my list compared to her petty issues should I ever travel back in time.  As the conversation continued, I realized it wasn't as simple as a blast to the past.  Apparently, this woman expected me to go into the future to have her claim adjusted.   A claim that had not yet even been submitted because she never had the damn colonoscopy done.  Somehow she wanted to appeal something that hadn't happened yet.  Even if it were possible to go to the future, it would have done nothing for her today.  But hey, maybe she would have gotten that appeal is quicker than anyone had before.  She could maybe brag about that.

I had expected to have Doc Brown run into my cube to tell me to stop talking to this woman before I unraveled reality.  That did not happen.  Instead my patience was unraveled.   

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