Thursday, May 13, 2010

The greatest thing I ever put in my mouth....

Have you ever eaten something that transcended the experience of eating?  I am talking about a delicious treat that is more than just nourishment or a means to pass the time.   More specifically, I am referring to food that gives you a true and pure emotionally response.  The kind of feeling that lifts your spirits and has the capacity to make your day better.  In essence, I am referring to eating something that might even make your pants tingle.  I had such a treat on Tuesday evening.

It was a cannoli.  Not just any cannoli, but a chocolate chip cannoli from Savvy’s Italian Cuisine down the street from my apartment.  Oh, many of you are wondering what the hell a cannoli is.  I know what you are thinking.  It totally does sound like some form of innuendo for a devious sex act.  In fact, I’d like to invent a maneuver just to name it cannoli.  However, it is something far better than some sex move involving the dipping of testicles is something or another.  Cannolis are Sicilian desserts consisting of a fried pastry shell wrapped around a creamy filing made from a sweet cheese.  Cannoli is actually the plural version of the word cannolo, which means I have been an uneducated prick and have been using the word incorrectly for days now.  It should be noted right now that the cannolo does loosely relate to filthy innuendo because the English translation of the word means “little tube”.    Size doesn’t matter with these things though.  It is all about what is on the inside.

In the case of the one I had Tuesday night, there were some chocolate chips on the inside.  Even better was that the whole pastry tube was covered in a chocolate shell.  The first bite surged a warm feeling through my soul.  I couldn’t recall having anything like it.  Not even the Donut Cheeseburger at Fat Sandwich Company made me feel like that cannolo did.  It was as if that one dessert managed to give my stomach and taste buds a proverbial hand job.  You can’t help but smile a little when that happens.  You enjoy it so damn much that you feel like you may be making a lewd spectacle of yourself.  Gosh, I hope that little girl a couple booths away didn’t watch me eat that thing.  She might have nightmares.

While I was rambling on about my foodgasm, I decided to check the foremost authority on innuendo and slang regarding the word “cannoli”.  As it turns out, I was a little wrong about the word being strictly food related.  There does happen to be a nasty alternative use for the word.  And let me say first that I am impressed with the versatility of this word.  Who would have thought it could accomplish so much more than just being a dessert.  See for yourself by reading the definition of “cannoli” as told by the good people over at

A sexual maneuver where a male has sex with a female on top of his comforter, and just when he is about to cum, he pulls out, busts his nut all over the girls face, rolls her up in the comforter and pushes her off the bed. This gives her the appearance of a cannoli with the "cream" on her face and the comforter acting as the cannoli shell.

Well, that really brings a disturbing image to my mind.  However, it hasn’t deterred me from wanting another cannolo.  In fact, I kind of want one right now.  The dessert, not the bedroom pastry.  The dessert is much cheaper and probably doesn’t call you an asshole.  On second thought, the dirty version of cannoli isn’t so bad.  It also brought a smile to my face.  Ultimately, though, I will have to settle for whichever one is easier to get tomorrow night.

I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin, so my guess is that it is a toss-up.

Seriously, though.  That thing was really fucking good.  I thought about going in there tonight, just for that.  I decided not to on the off chance that the people running that place are familiar with the slang term for their delicious treat.  A single man, coming in alone, and ordering just a desert may be coming off as a little bit of a creeper.  And what the hell do I do on the off chance that they also run a secret prostitution ring that specializing in dessert themed sex maneuvers?  I bet you didn’t think about that.  The world is a place full of tough choices like this.

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